The chronicles and ramblings of a stay-at-home father raising his three beautiful girls, Anya Rose, Caitlin Rose and Reegan Rose.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Meet the Roses

Anya Rose

Age: 3 and a half
Likes: Coloring, playing pirates, treats
Dislikes: Sharing, sitting still, writing the letter B

Anya has had my heart since the moment she was born.  She is a daddy's girl through and through.  With the exception of her daily breakdown, she is the best helper a stay at home can ask for.  Anya loves to color and write.  I could give her a coloring book, a box of crayons, and gallon of yogurt and she'd be good for a week. 

Anya loves being active.  She loves running, although it looks more like knees and elbows flailing about in some sort of rhythmic fashion.  We play tee ball in the driveway, soccer in the backyard, and volleyball off the roof.  Alicia and I are already looking forward to watching her kick ass in sports.

Anya's smile can light up a room and every morning it makes my day when she comes downstairs from her room.  Usually she's all smiles when she wakes up, but I particularly like it when she emerges from upstairs a complete grog monster.  Her eyes barely opened, her hair a complete mess, and for some reason just a little pissed off, it's the cutest thing in the world.  She acts like some ass hole dragged her out of bed, when in reality I would like nothing more than for her to sleep til noon everyday!

Anya is the best first child a guy could ask for.  There's been more than a few days that I've pondered that God must have made a mistake.  Would God really give me such an amazingly awesome daughter after all the shit I've pulled in my life?  Maybe God wasn't looking when I egged Mrs. Lydeckers house.   He must have been out when I got busted drinking in Pine City.  And I'm pretty sure he took off  a few years during college.  Whatever the rationale, I thank God every day for bringing Anya into my life.

Tip of the Day: Tired of using the word 'No'? Here are a few alternatives that are just as effective but tend to draw less whining.  We'll see. Maybe later.  In a little bit. If the house is clean. And my personal favorite, Ask your mother.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I didn't forget about this.

Well I'm back from a two week hiatus.  Google canceled my Adsense account from me because they suck ass. While I do enjoy writing, the thought of making a couple hundred bucks really gave me added encouragement to post on a regular basis.  Another failed business venture.  At lease Google can't take away the collection of posts that I intend on saving and sharing with my Roses when they grow up.  Bygones.

Life in the Schmidt house has been pretty good lately.  Caitlin just got over a bout with the Whooping cough which means I can bring her back out in public without feeling like a completly negligent parent.  It sucked though.  Everyone felt fine, it was just that Caitlin would have these coughing spells that reminded me of my late grandfather when he brushed his teeth.Whlie that doesn't sound too discusting to most of you, anyone who slept within 50 yards of my grandpa's bathroom knows exactly what I'm talking about.  A combination of 60 years of heavy smoking and a touchy gag reflex made brushing his teeth sound like something out of a Turkish prison camp.

Reegan is starting to cut another tooth.  She now has two chompers on the bottom and three on the top. Even while teething she's been a great baby. 

Anya is loving spring.  She is excited to get back outside and play at all our favorite playgrounds.  Dispite the fact that she is sitting on my lap  pushing random buttons, crying because she wants to watch Dora on the computer, I still love her.  I guess my time is up.

Tip of the Day: AJax is the only cleaning product that can take crayon drawings off of walls, floors, and the front door.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Cool things I have taught my Roses.

That all fast food restaurants are Old MacDonalds.

The cool 'wigga, wigga, wigga, wigga, jacks!' handshake  from the movie Big.

That milk is really cow juice.

That their shows will return from commercial break in 2 and 2.

That the police will get them if they unbuckle their car seats.

That eating treats will make them throw up.

That pirates live in our basement and on a daily basis bury treasures for us to find.

To say 'Toot' whenever they fart.

That their mother hates being tickled, which makes it twice as much fun.

That Santa and Big Bird are prayer-worthy characters (For some reason they made the list of people we pray for before we go to bed, and now I get my head chewed off if I forget them.).

That animals in the zoo are happy and prefer living in a small cage opposed to their natural habitat..

That quarters equal gumballs.

That their Mommy and Daddy love them very much.

Tip of the Day: Dispose of fast food garbage immediately.  A McDonalds hamburger is one of the few foods that smells worse going into the body than coming out of it.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

The Man who Saved the World.

In the wake of 9/11 there were many unsung heros; people who put themselves in harms way for the betterment of the nation. Today I want to recognize the efforts of a very special person whose efforts to combat Al Quida just may have saved the city of Lindstrom. His name is Jim Schmidt and here is his story.

The date was September 12, 2001. While much of the country was still in shock from the previous day's events, it was business as usual at Overlinn Orchard. Jim Schmidt arose as the autumn sun glistened off the ripples of peaceful Linn Lake. With the news of Wall Street closing it's doors in the wake of the attack, many businesses feared that financial insurecirites could lead Americans into a state of panic, keeping them maintaining the thrivent economy they'd all become acustomed to. Mr. Schmidt had no such worries. As an act of bravery and determination, he didn't sway from his American ways, and went to breakfast at Hardees.

The mood was sombre. "You having the usual this morning Jim, Sausage, egg and cheese croisant with a coffee, two creams?" But Tammy didn't have the same peppy flair to herself this morning. Jim nodded and looked at the morning paper, "TERRORIZED" it read. Shaking his head, he took his tray and strolled back to his booth.

While Jim enjoyed his greasy sandwich, he began to notice some mumblings from the booth directly behind him. At first he couldn't make out what they were saying, but soon he realized the men weren't speaking English at all. Thanks to his in-depth theological background, he was able to make out the languange of origin, Aramaic. Without trying to be obvious, he glanced over his shoulder. It was confirmed. Jim Schmidt was sitting feet away from a terrorist cell in Lindstrom, Minnesota.

Heros always keep their cool, and Jim was no exception. He knew he had to get out of there, but what if they had made him for a rat? He swallowed hard, got up, and made his way back to the service counter hoping that wouldn't draw any unwarrented attention.

"Tammy I don't want to alarm you, but the Al Quida has infiltrated Hardees."

"I know, they've been in here for 20 minutes. Jim, what the hell are we going to do!?!"

"Just act natural, I'm going to call the police." After emptying his pockets on the counter, he muttered "Damnit Tammy, those bastards stole my cell phone!"

"Jim, check your jacket pocket."

Luckily for America, it was there. Jim dialed 911 as inconspicuously as possible. When the dispatcher answered, he explained their situation and within minutes a squad car was on its way. But it proved to be too late. The four members of the Taliban must have been frightened by Jim's shifty glances, they finished their meals and left the restaurant without incident. When the police arrived, they were gone.

To this day the cell has not returned to the Lindstrom area. While it is possible they were just passing through, it is this authors beliefs that Jim's swift actions saved the city from a potentially catastropic demise.

Tip of the Day: Be careful which stories you choose to share with the author of this blog, as he has a tendency to imbelish and mock such tales.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Fatherhood: The Final Frontier

Your eyes do not deceive you; I am actually blogging at 8:15 on a Friday night. In my former life, I never would have dreamed that on a Friday night I would be sitting in my basement wearing sweat pants, a pajama shirt, and old man slippers (you know the ones Mr. Rogers used to slip on to keep his feet warm in his creepy-ass, puppet filled house) writing a blog.  The scary part is I'm actually enjoying the peacefulness of a quiet house.  How fatherhood can change a person.

I know there are a number of people out there thinking, 'Is this the same Bo that was shredding up the dance floor last week to some 90's rock at a dank bar in Hopkins?'  Yes it is my friends.  My wanton ways have not ceased entirely, but going out like a rock star isn't the same when you have to wake up at 6:30 to tend to three little monsters who have no concept of what a hang over is.  If you think Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is annoying now, try watching it after a bender on 4 hours of sleep with two energetic tots on your lap.  I can almost feel the vomit creeping up my esophagus...

That's why those nights are few and far between.  Anything after midnight is too late for me to handle. In fact, I think I'm going to call it an night after finishing up this blog.  Hopefully I'll be asleep by 9:00 (9:05 if Alicia is still awake...).

Tip of the Day: Stamina is overrated.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Sick with it

The cold bugs have finally made their way to the Schmidt house. The other night I went to bed with a fever and a bit of a headache. Sometime in the middle of the night, Anya made her way down the stairs stopping only to cascade vomit down the entire wooden stairwell. I gave her a hug (while holding my breath of course) and helped her change her pjs. I carried her back to her room and laid down with her for a few minutes. After she fell asleep, I found an old towel in the hallway closet, grabbed a can of Oust, and with my arm as outstreched as humanly possible, I cleaned up the mess. I laid back down in bed and 5 minutes later I noticed that the bathroom light had turned on and I heard the toilet seat being raised.

I ran in there to see what was going on and there was Anya on her knees in front of the toilet. She told me her belly still hurt and that she needed to throw up or go see the doctor. Apparently she knew we have an incredibly high insurance deductable this year and opted to yak. When she finished it was like nothing had happened. She stood up, smiled, gave me a hug, and showed me a 'cool trick' she could do with her toes (it wasn't really a trick, she just pointed out that her toenails were painted.)

The truly amazing thing is that she knew to throw up in the toilet. I never told her that. Apparently I spent so much time in college puking in toilets that my body isolated the genetic material involved in the process and passed it to my offspring. Evolution at it's finest.

Caitlin still has a cough and I'm still not back to 100%, but I think the worst has passed.  Being sick is never much fun. 

Tip of the Day: Just because your older sister says it's safe to jump off of the arm rest of a sofa into her three-year-old arms, doesn't make it so.

Monday, March 1, 2010

The kind of day that makes it all worth while.

You know when the stars all align and things just seem to work out for you, well today was one of those days.

We woke up around 6:30 this morning and we're soon greeted by a beautiful morning sun. Since we didn't have any plans today I asked Anya what she would like to do today. She decided it would be a good day to go visit the zoo (pretty much everyday she announces that it would be a good day for the zoo, but this time I actually obliged). 35 degrees in a Minnesota winter is like 75 degrees anywhere else. We actually saw a guy running in shorts. Shorts I tell ya!

We all got dressed as we watched Dora and Diego and were in the car by 9:30 sharp. We arrived at Como Zoo (that's the free one) just as the doors were opening. This is the best time of the year to visit the zoo. Most parents are smart enough to know that 35 is still too cold to be walking outside with three little ones, but not this dad! I see that as a perfect opportunity to beat the rush and take in the animals in relative solitude. Another perk is that it's still too cold for the candy venders to be out. You don't have to explain to your children that $6 is an exorbitant rate for a lolly pop and that despite the fact that those kids have them, that doesn't mean you don't love them.

My Roses were all little angels at the zoo; no fights, no poops, no onsets of uncontrolled hunger, nothing! We saw all of our favorite animals in a timely manner and made it back to the car in just over an hour. The girls were all tuckered out from our morning adventures and after a quick lunch of maple syrup soup (with a few waffles floating at the top); we were all ready for a nap.

At 3pm we arose from our naps and got ready for our daily trip to the gym. I was able to run 9 miles on the treadmill and shower without a page from the child care center. It truly was amazing.

Days like this make me realize how blessed I am to be able to spend my days at home with my Roses. I know I bitch and moan about the hardships of being a stay at home dad, but today all I could think about were its rewards. Thanks for a great day girls

Tip of the Day: When your 3 year old daughter goes on the computer and says she's checking her emails, she's probably deleting something important.