The chronicles and ramblings of a stay-at-home father raising his three beautiful girls, Anya Rose, Caitlin Rose and Reegan Rose.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Taking care of business

Last night I promised my daughter I would punch Bert (of Sesame Street fame) in the nose, then in the stomach, then send him on his way; warning him to go straight back to Elmo's house... or else.

Allow me to explain.

Tuesday night/Wednesday morning Anya came downstairs to inform me that Bert was standing outside Alicia and my bedroom window.  He was just standing there until she came in the room, at which point he gave her a "mean" look.  I imagine his unibrow was in full furrow.  I brought Anya back up to her bedroom and assured her that Bert wasn't coming back anytime soon. 

Apparently I was mistaken.  20 minutes hadn't passed before the second Bert sighting occured.  Again he scornfully glared at my daughter.  She came downstairs again to alert us to Bert's unwelcomed glances.  I tried for a second time to ease her mind and lay her back down to bed.  But my assurance was no match for Bert's menicing stare.  As I laid back down to bed, Anya opened the door for the third time.  Now is when the shit hit the fan.  While daddy may entertain and attempt to allieviate nighttime scares, Alicia won't hear of such nonsense.  Its up to bed or your going to be on the business end of an ass whooping  (Alicia isn't the most pleasant person in the middle of the night). 

To get Anya to go to bed last night I had to promise to kick Bert's ass and tell him to never come back.  I smiled on my way down the stairs and into my bedroom.  That is until I noticed our bedroom window was slightly ajar.  As I went to shut the window, I stepped on something sharp; bottle caps were EVERYWHERE!  Was Bert really at the window?  How long had he been there?  Did he see me romancing my wife the night before? If he did was he expecting another show tonight?  Should I inform the police on Sesame Street of the Peeping Bert incident?  At this point there are more questions than answers...

Tip of the day: Don't let your mouth write checks your body can't cash.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Sunday morning coming down

What a weekend!  My wife's brother is getting married in a couple weeks and this past weekend was his bachelor party.  Believe it or not, I've only been a part of 3 bachelor parties in my life (none of which involved strip clubs or prostitutes like you see in the movies...dang). It was one of the rare occasions that my wife actually encouraged me to go out, get drunk, and have a good time.  It was crazy!  She even volunteereed to take care of the kids for most of the day on Sunday as well. I haven't had that type of opportunity in years!

Needless to say, I took full advantage.  We started out at Ben's house where we met all his young 22 year old friends.  At 29, I was the oldest one there by 3 years.  But my age doesn't really reflect how much older I am than those guys.  I think a persons age should somehow incorporate their dependants and liabilities.  I haven't quite worked out the details, but it would look something like this:

Take you actual age then:
Add one year for every vechicle you pay car insurance on.
Add one year for every $100,000 of debt you have.
Add one year for the age of each of your dependant children under 5.  (This starts to fazs out at 5 years old  and works backwards until 10) You don't add additional years until your children begin having thier periods, at which point you add 6 for each menstrating female in the household.
Add one year if you find yourself starting sentences with, "before I was married..." or "back in college I was the best at..."
Add one year if you know the difference between term and whole life insurance.
Add one year for every year you feel past your athletic prime (cap at 5).
Add two years if you are a republican.

As you can see, I am actually 52 years old; making it much tougher to keep up with their 22 year old livers.  The one day hangovers are a thing of the past.  When I get drunk now, I'm off my game for at least three days.  My appetite just recently came back this morning and for some reason a trip to McDonalds for greasy food doesn't sound like it would help my situation.

All in all I had a good time.  In hindsight,  I should  have passed on a few tequila shots and saved that $50 on pull tabs, but nobody's perfect.  I'm glad I was able to partake in Ben's celebration and am looking forward to the wedding... alcohol free.

Tip of the Day:  If your wife gives you the green light to stay over at somebody's house, take advantage.  Getting a ride home at 3am sounded like a great idea until 7:30am came around and my children started jumping on my bed saying "Daddy it's morning time!  Get up, it's morning time!" Damn near made it time for me to call some dinosaurs.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Me fail English, thats unpossible!

It has been brought to my attention that I usually have a number of typos on each of my posts.  Allow me to explain...  I used to type my posts on Microsoft Word and cut and paste them onto my page.  I would spell check my posts and life was swell.  Then one day Anya decided to somehow lock Word up (why the hell it has this function is beyond me).  I can open files, but it prohibits me from doing any sort  typing or editing.  If anyone knows how to turn off this function I'm all ears.

I would also like everyone to keep in mind that I often attempt to write my entries with numerous children within an arms reach away.  Right now Anya is sitting on my lap watching Caillou while I am attempting to write.  Every 15 seconds or so she decideds to 'help' me write by pressing a few random letters.  While this is extremely frustrating and trying on my patience, it also lends itself to a few missed speeled words.

Finally, have any of you tried typing with some PBS cartoon blaring at 102 decibals?  I doubt it.  I still have the damn Dragon Tales theme song in my head "Dragon tales, dragon tales, it's almost time for dragon tales. Come along and take my hand, lets go down to dragon laaaaaaaaaaand!"  It sounds like it was written by some washed up, 80's commercial, jingle writer. You'd be lucky to spell your name right listening to that shit.

Tip of the Day - Lanisnoh works well on runners nipple.  And never wear a cotton shirt if you sweat like a Schmidt.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Meet the Roses - Part 3

Reegan Rose

Nickname - Reegsey or Reegsey beegsey
Likes - Mr. Elephant, rice cereal, being carried by Anya
Dislikes - Her carseat, napping, being dropped by Anya

After we had Caitlin, my wife and I had planned on taking a few years off from having kids.  Anya and Caitlin are about 20 months apart and it seemed a little overwhelming at the time.  But it seemed that God had different plans for us.  Well I guess it wasn't totally God's fault, I mean it wasn't like it was an immaculate conception...  Anyway, finding out we were pregnant when Caitlin was only 6 months old was a bit of a shocker.  Nine  months later, enter Reegan Rose.

While we were scared as hell about having another child in the house, God really eased our anxieties by sending us Reegan.  She is the chillest baby I've ever  met.  If she's not hungry or soiled, she's content.  And what a blessing that was for me!  I was having a heck of a time with just Caitlin and Anya, and with Reegan in the mix, I didn't know what I was going to do. But she has been great since the day she was born.

Reegan is the biggest of our babies.  She, like the other Roses, is in the 97+% in her height, but Reegan has more meat on her bones.  She has beautiful chubby cheeks made just for kissing,  When she smiles, she shows off her Shirley Temple dimples. She hasn't started crawling yet, but she is able to scoot around the room and even can get on her hands and knees.  My estimate is that she'll be crawling by the end of the week (my God how fast the grow up).  

Reegan loves her sisters.  She loves when they play with her and could watch them for hours.  Reegan is definitely a Mommy's girl.  I'm not much of a baby guy (I know, 'nice choice of an occupation then jack ass') but Alicia loves babies. They could stare at each other for hours (...'that's very boring').  But even a guy who enjoys the kids when they're a little older has a special place in his heart for his little Reegsey.  She's an amazing addition to our family and I'm a very lucky man to have such beautiful Roses.

Tip of the Day: Just because your wife is breastfeeding, doesn't mean she can't get pregnant.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Meet the Roses - Part 2

Caitlin Rose

Nickname - Cai Cai (pronounced k k)
Likes - Cereal, chips and fruit snacks, accessorizing, pedicures.
Dislikes - Food that isn't cereal, chips or fruit snacks, stopping at red lights, washing her hair.

Cai Cai is my little girly girl.  She has the most beautiful blue eyes and they go well  with her bleach blonde hair. While she does have more attitude than Anya, she is my most cuddly Rose.  Every morning I wake up to her wails from the room next door, "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!"  And what do you think the first thing she says when she sees her old man?  "Cereal!" of course.  While she does love her dad, before she eats breakfast I am simply the providor of her first carb ladened fix. After she finishes a bowl or two of the sugariest cereal we have in the house, she joins me on the couch for a good snuggle and an episode of Special Agent Oso.

One of my favorite qualities in Caitlin is that she never hides how she's feeling.  Just like her mother, you always know where you stand with Cai Cai.  If she's mad at you, she'll let you know.  She's got 'the look' down; furoughed brows, tight upper lip, and one hell of a nasty glare.  It's a quality I honestly do love about her mother, and it's neat to see it passed down.

Caitlin is the most generous of my Roses.  If you ask her nicely, she'd give you her left arm.  If you don't ask her nicely, however,  she'll shoot you down faster than you can say antidisestablishmentarianism.  I love how she shares.

One of the highlights of my day is putting Caitlin to bed at the end of the day.  While it does mark the start of a few hours of peace and quiet, I enjoy doing so because we always say our prayers in her rocking chair and I love the way she wraps her arms around me and holds me tight.  I could sit and rock with her for hours.  It's a great way to end the day, and I thank God every day for blessing my life with my little Cai Cai.

Tip of the Day: In a rain storm, even all the towels in our hallway closet won't sufficiently dry off our new swingset.  Just ask Anya who attempted this feat this afternoon while I was putting Caitlin down for a nap.