The chronicles and ramblings of a stay-at-home father raising his three beautiful girls, Anya Rose, Caitlin Rose and Reegan Rose.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Sweet things my kids have said and other ramblings...

Anya: I ate a cookie in my bed yesterday and now there's all these circles in my bed.  Get them out!
Me:  And you ate an apple up here the other night, where did that go?
Anya:  I'm not sure, but it was in my covers so that's okay dad.

I was talking to Anya about what we were going to do tomorrow and I mentioned that we'd see my friend Doug.  Caitlin, out of nowhere shouts, "I like Doug, he's a nice guy."

Anya: I'm going to make an "I Miss You" card for Great-Grandma.

Caitlin: They took off my cast!  See!  (arm flails aimlessly)

Anya:  Caitlin, let's play house!
Caitlin: Okay!
Anya:  I'll be the dad and you be the mom.
Caitlin: NO, I want to be the dad!
Anya: No, I'm the dad!
Caitlin: DAD!
Me: What's going on over there?
Caitlin: Anya won't let me be the dad!
Me: Anya, let your sister be the dad.
Anya: Caitlin, how about you be Anya and I'll be the dad.
Caitlin: Okay...

While taking a bath...
Anya: What's that?
Me: That's something only daddies have.
Anya:  When am I going to grow one?

And now for something completely different.

For the past few days I haven't been feeling well.  Since last Thursday I've had what I thought were some pretty intense gas pains.  Finally after five days, two enimas, a handful of laxitives, and half a bottle of Pepto Bismol I decided to go see the doctor. After explaining my symptoms to the attractive 28-year-old physicians assistant, she informed me that she would like to run a handful of tests.  She rattled off a handful of common ones, but one made my ears perk up, something that started with the word 'rectal.'  Not having heard of that test, I asked her what exactly that test entails.  She explained that she was going to stick her finger up my butt and examine my prostrate and test for some bleeding in my colon.  She handed me a gown and asked that I put it on. 

When she came back into the room she asked me to bend over the exam table and try to relax.  She snapped on her glove, lubed up her fingers and went to town.  It was a pretty quick test, but I felt a bit awkward.  As I often do, I thought some light humor would help in the situation.  I turned to her and said , "Did we just have a moment?"

I half chuckled, but I'm not sure she saw the humor in the situation.  My comment was clearly more discomforting to her than sticking her finger up my ass.  After a minute she realized I was joking, but her look was priceless!

Anyway, it seems that I may have a kidney stone.  I go back for a CT scan next week to confirm, but for now it looks like lots of water and Tylenol.  Hopefully it's one of those really small ones that will pass quickly and painlessly.

Tip of the Day:  If a doctor probes your anus, it is better to pretend that nothing ever happened.

Monday, September 13, 2010

We will miss you Great Grandma!

The last few days have been pretty tough at the Schmidt house.  On Saturday morning, my Grandma Kelley passed away.  She had been living with my folks for the past 10.5 years and wouldn't have wanted to die anywhere else.  Every couple weeks the Roses and I would head up to Nana and Papa's house during the week to visit with Great Grandma and Pussface, Grandma's kitty.  She loved reading them books and watching them play with their toys.  One of my favorite memories of her was watching her read Sesame Street's Hokey Pokey to Anya and Caitlin while they sat on her lap.  She wasn't very familiar with Sesame Street so each page she would give this inquisital look on her face like 'What the hell kind of animals are these anyways?  I've been on this earth 77 years and never have I seen a red fluffy squirely monkey...' In her defense she did recognize Big Bird.

This is the first experience of death for my Roses and it has been interesting trying to explain the concept to them.  Unlike most kids, I think Anya has a unique understanding of death.  Last fall when my parents were processing the chickens they had raised, Alicia and I went up to the house to help them.  Alicia was planning on watching the girls while I helped my parents with the slaughter.  We were afraid Anya would be freaked out to see the chickens she loved playing with have their heads chopped off, have their feathers plucked, and have their inerds removed.  We were wrong.  Anya snuck out of the house and was facinated by the process.  When we saw her we stopped production.  She wandered around the yard asking all kinds of questions.  We walked her through the process and she looked up at me and said, "Well dad, lets go dead another chicken!" She watched me hatchet off the chickens head, drain the blood and remove the feathers. Then she went and watched as Nana dressed the chicken and enjoyed every minute of it.  When we ate that night she was excited to eat the freshly butchered meat. 

With my Grandma's passing, Anya wanted to know all the details.  When she asked how she died, we explained that her heart had stopped beating and her body shut down.  She explained to us, "Yep, that's what happens.  When people get older their hearts stop beating and they lay flat and die."  We explained to her that she's now in heaven with Jesus and is watching over us with Great Grandpa and all her brothers and sisters.

We brought the girls up to my parents house yesterday so we could all spend some time with my parents.  While Saturday had been a tough day, the innocence of the children brought a levity to the situation that really helped us cope.  On our way up to the house we reminded the girls to tell Nana and Papa how much they loved them.  When Anya first saw Nana she ran into her arms and said "Mom told me I'm supposed to tell you I love you!"  Not exactly what we had in mind, but we all had a good laugh, something we all needed. 

Watching the Roses play at the house helped us all remember how the circle of life continues.  We all have a purpose on this earth and though our lives we touch and transform the world around us.

We will all miss Grandma Kelley dearly and we thank God for all the lessons she has taught us throughout her life.  Rest in peace, Grandma, we love you.

Tip of the Day:  Live every day to the fullest and never miss an opportunity to tell your friends or family how much you love and appreciate them.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Fall is in the air

It's hard to believe, but fall has finally arrived.  While most people monitor the changing of the seasons by the colors of the leaves, the weather, or the school year, here at the Schmidt house I know it's the start of fall by the number of nights I get out of the house to ref volleyball.

For those of you who don't know, last year was my first year as a volleyball official.  I was given a handful of matches in the MIAC and UMAC conferences and had an awesome time.  I met dozens of great people and relished in my time away from the family.  This past weekend I took a trip up to Northern Michigan to ref my first Division II tournament. While it was a bit itimidating at first, by the end of the weekend I felt like I belonged.  It was the first time I spent three days away from the family in quite a while.  Here are the top ten reasons I knew I was away from my Roses:

10.  In three days the only ass I had to wipe was my own.
9.  I went to bed and wasn't waken up with requests to 'take off my cast,' 'help me go potty,' or 'change my soiled sheets.'
8.  The only whining I had to listen to was from a 40 year old woman with minimal understanding of volleyball rules.
7.  I was able to have a conversation with an adult without having this conversation with my 3 year old:

Anya : Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
Me: Anya, Daddy is talking to an adult and it's rude to interupt.
Anya: Sorry Daddy.  Excuse me Daddy! Excuse me Daddy! Excuse me Daddy!

6.  I was able to go three days without eating a hot dog or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
5.  At the end of the day, the neck of my tshirt had the same elasticity as it did when I put it on.
4.  I didn't have to apologize to a waitress for the mess left at the table.
3.  I realized most people don't have to break up dozens of fights in the course of a day.
2.  I had this incredible sensation; silence.

And the number one reason I knew I was away from my Roses..

1.  My heart ached just a little from not being able to hold the people I love most in the world.

Tip of the Day:  Never judge a book by it's cover.  Unless it's one of those books with the Fabio looking guy on the front, those always suck.