The chronicles and ramblings of a stay-at-home father raising his three beautiful girls, Anya Rose, Caitlin Rose and Reegan Rose.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Anya + Computers = Trouble

On Saturday I spent the day playing volleyball up in Duluth, MN.  When I arrived home around midnight, I powered up my laptop to see if I had any important emails that required my immediate attention (to my knowledge I have never had an email that required my immediate attention, but does that stop me from looking?).  Right after it started up, a large pop up appeared; "Spyware Protection: Your computer has been infected!" Son of a bitch!  Having downloaded this virus before, I knew this could be trouble.  I tried everything I could to get rid of it; no luck.  Damnit! 

Yesterday Anya and Caitlin wanted to play  I explained to them that the computer wasn't working and that we needed to get it fixed.  Caitlin, in a moment of anger, grabbed the laptop and threw it on the floor.  After putting her in timeout, I turned to the computer to assess the damage.  The battery had come off, but otherwise it appeared fine.  I booted it up to see if it would turn on, and sure enough it did.  On top of that, it was virus free!  I'm not sure if throwing your computer on the ground is the prefered technical fix for a virus, but it seemed to work for me.  I was able to run Norton Anti-Virus and get rid of my suspicious files.  Crisis averted...for the time being.

Last Sunday we spend the day up at my parents house.   For work, my mom has a Apple IPad and Anya is drawn to electronics like a fat kid to a candy store.  'Dad can you find some games for me?' 

Being the wonderful father that I am, I looked up some free games from the app store and downloaded a couple.  For some reason even free apps require your ITunes account number and password.  I asked my old man what it was and he hesitantly typed in the information. "This isn't going to cost me anything, right?" "Of course not, Dad, they're free," (Old people are always so suspicious of new technology. They think someone's always out to screw 'em...).

I handed the IPad over to Anya and let her play away.  She was on it for 15 minutes before putting it aside for some other adventure around the house. 

This morning I got a call from my parents.  Apparenlty they recieved some strange charges on their ITunes account.  "What exactly did you download on Sunday?" my dad asked. 
"I don't know, some Hops game and this game with Smurfs in it.  Why what's up?" 
"Did you happen to purchase a wagon full of smurfberries?"
"Pretty sure I didn't."
"Well somebody purchased a 'wagon of smurfberries' and..." he pulled the phone from his ear.  I could hear my mom muttering something and some typing on a keyboard.  "Wait, we just got another charge.  A wagon of smurfberries AND a smurfberry basket!"
Looking around the room I spotted Anya sitting innocently watching TV, "I didn't buy anything, but I have a pretty good idea who did...  How much was it?  If I were you I'd protest the purchase from ITunes, but I'll pay you for it.  What do I owe you?"

Apparently I have been in the dark about the value of smurfberries these days.  While the recession has hit the US pretty hard, apparently the value of smurfberries are doing very well in Smurfville.  My dad spoke, "The total is about $120."
"$120!!! You've got to be shitting me!"
"Hold on..." My dad again pulled the phone from his ear... Another billed just was emailed. "Actually, it looks like someone purchased 2 wagons of smurfberries.  The total is now $220!"  Apparently one wagon of smurfberries wasn't enough for Anya. 

What these smurfberries do I have no idea, but I now am the rightful owner of two wagons full of them and a fancy basket in which to hold them.  Obviously my parents are going to challenge the charges and hopefully we can get this situation taken care of, but what kind of childrens video game allows people to spend real money on made up products?  According to ITunes, once a person logs into their account, they do not need to retype their password for 15 minutes.  Any purchases during this time are then able to go through without any authorization.  Parents be warned...

I will keep you all posted on the outcome of our smurfberry cunnundrum and will hopefully have good news to report.

Tip of the Day: Smurfberry addiction is a serious and growing problem in America.  Please educate yourself on the dangers of this cunning, baffling, and powerful fruit.  Warning signs include restlessness, irritability, and a driving need of more.  Often users start small, purchasing small buckets of berries, but like most addictive substances, larger and larger amounts are required to bring about the same euphoria.  When one starts buying berries by the wagon load, treatment is the only way out.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

You can't make this stuff up.

For Caitlin being such a girly-girl, it's pretty surprising how much she hates washing her hair, combing her hair, putting lotion on her dry skin, clipping her toe nails, cleaning her ears, and wiping her butt.  Those blue eyes will take her far in the world, but I've never dated anyone with gnarly hair, gunky ears, and a dirty ass (unless you call that make out session in the basement of a party house in St. Joe 'dating.'  And I thought the smell was coming from the moldy carpet).  I'm sure someday she'll fight through the pain of brushing her hair, but I've been waiting for that day for two years now...

We were pulling into the library this morning and we parked right next to a handicapped parking space.  Anya asked, "Dad, why don't we park there?  It's closer."  I explained to her that those spaces are reserved for people who have a hard time getting around. 
"Like Great-grandma, Dad?"
"That's right Anya."
"Yeah, she used to walk slow."
As I unloaded the girls from the car, I asked Anya to hold Reegan's hand on the sidewalk while I grabbed the bag of library books.  While I was two steps behind, all three Roses decided to hold hands and walk to the library on their own.  After just a few steps Anya shouts, "Dad we should have parked there!  Look at Reegan, she walks like a handi person!"  True story.

Tip of the Day:  Just because drunk people want you to arm wrestle them, doesn't mean you have to.  While I may have won the battle, I lost the war by straining both of my biceps.  I felt pretty cool at the bar, but my arms have been hanging at my sides for the past three days.  I look like a balding version of Shaggy from Scooby Doo.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The bonds of sisterhood

The other day we went to a McDonald's playland to burn off some pent up energy.  After we took off our shoes and jackets the girls made there way to the staircase to climb in the labyrinth of tubes.  At the foot of the stairway sat two girls, twins probably, no older than 4 years old.  These girls were bad news; when your own mom nicknames you Bonnie and Clyde, you know your hitting behind the 8 ball (which is what I think the mom snorted before bringing the girls to McDonalds, but I digress).  Anya went to use the stairway and the two wayward girls shouted, 'This is our playground! You cant go in!'

Anya walked back to our booth and told me about the girls.  I assured her that it was not their playground and that she should politely ask them if she could pass.  I followed her back to the staircase and watched Anya ask the girls if she could get by.  Again they said she couldn't.  Anya looked back at me with a grin on her face.  Her expression read like a book; 'I tried asking Dad, but there's no way these two girls are keeping me from this playground.'  She lifted her long, lanky leg and stepped over the two girls in their attempt to block the enterance.  Caitlin, following in her sisters footsteps, saw a small opening between the girls, and hit the hole with Walter Payton like speed.  Caitlin and Anya had made it, but the girls managed to keep Reegan from entering (quite an amazing feat considering Reegan generally bulldozes her way whereever she wants to go). 

It was then, for the first time in her life, Caitlin used her quick temper for something other than driving Alicia crazy; she stood up for Reegan.  With a piercing 'nnnnnnnnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNNNNo!' (all of Caitlin's No's are in creschendo) she pushed her way between the two girls.  'That's my sister!' she shouted as she grabbed Reegan's hand and dragged her toward the first step.  I think Caitlin scared the older girls with her fearless conviction.  From that point on, Bonnie and Clyde left my Roses alone. 

The bonds of sisterhood already run strong in my girls, and what a treat to be able to see it first hand.

Tip of the Day:  If you have a fiery temper, don't be surprised if your daughter does too.  I always get a charge watching Alicia and Caitlin get in a battle of wills.  They're both so cute that I have a hard time taking anything they say seriously.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Is this really happening?

Two blogs in two days???  What's the deal?  There were a couple classics yesterday that I had to write down before I forgot them.

Yesterday afternoon Anya was cleaning some of our scratched DVD's with this special CD/DVD cleaner that we recently purchased.  She's used the machine a few times, but I wanted to help her out so she didn't damage the movies worse than they already are.  As I sat over her shoulder watching her work, she looked up at me and said, "I can do it myself Dad, why don't you go clean or something.  The dishes aren't done.  You can vacuum the basement. I'll take care of this."

An hour later we were in the car on the way to the gym and Anya had decided to teach Reegan words on our way. 
"Reegan, can you say nose?"
"Can you say car?"
"Can you say door?"
"Can you say Pussface?"

Tip of the Day:  Do not have a cat with the nickname Pussface.  While Anya's great grandmother affectionatly referred to her beloved cat with this term of endearment, hearing a 4-year-old regularly using the term 'Pussface' may raise questions about your parenting.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

We've got spirit

Excitement abounds here at the Schmidt house.  After a great weekend celebrating the baptism of the newest member of the Schmidt/Pohlmann family, Isaac Benjament(I call him Isaac Benji cause I've got a good vibe with him), the Roses have been beaming with energy.  It is amazing how wound up those girls get to see their grandparents.  Don't get me wrong, I loved my grandparents, but going over to Grandma and Grandpa Kelley's every Sunday for TV and a 3:00pm roast wasn't necessarily the highlight of week.  When my girls hear we're going to see their grandparents, they can't control their enthusiasm; Anya jumps around, Caitlin gets a huge smile, and Reegan just screams.  Whether they're going to see Grandpa and Grandma Farmer or Papa and Nana, it always seems to be the highlight of their week. 

The other day I taught Caitlin and Anya the cheer 'I got Spirit!'  You've all heard it at a high school basketball game I'm sure, but for those debate nerds out there who never made it to the gym, the cheer goes:

"I got spirit, yeah yeah, I got spirit, yeah yeah, I got whaat whaat whaat whaat, what what what what what what what, I GOT SPIRIT!"

I usually pick up the girls while doing it and wiggle them around for the 'what's (mostly for my own enjoyment.  It makes Caitlin's fine hair sway back and forth and she reminds me of Harry from Dumb and Dumber).

Shortly after teaching the girls the cheer, we were saying Grace before supper. 'In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit...' 
Anya:  'Hey dad, that's like Spirit from 'I got spirit yeah yeah I got spirit! huh?'
Ever since, whenever we do the sign of the cross Anya reminds me of that spirit is like the cheer 'I got spirit' in case I can't make the connection on my own.

Caitlin's new favorite game is the color game.  One person picks a color that they see somewhere in the room and the other players guess what item they are thinking about.  While Anya seems to get the point of the game, Caitlin excitedly screams YES! to the first object you suggest, whether or not the color matches the color she color she suggests.

Caitlin:  I see
Me: Is it the green frog?
Caitlin: YYYEEEESSSS!!!!

If we couldn't laugh, we'd cry.

Tip of the Day:  If you leave my girls unattended with a bag of Mommy's new clothes, this is what you get...