The chronicles and ramblings of a stay-at-home father raising his three beautiful girls, Anya Rose, Caitlin Rose and Reegan Rose.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Toddlers Are Like Drug Addicts

Last night I was able to get out and catch Hangover 2.  While the movie provided some good laughs, it was clearly a Hollywood sellout aimed only at generating 9 figure earnings.  It was tirelessly predictable and incredibly similar to the first one, but I managed to enjoy myself.  The funniest thing I saw all night, however, was from the preview from the movie "The Change-Up."  Jason Bateman (the fat kid from Stand By Me) plays a father and while talking to his single friend, makes the analogy that a toddler is like a drug addict.  In my own words it went something like this:

"Kids are like minature crackheads.  They're demanding, needy, unpredictable, draining on your bank account, stubborn, and constantly putting themselves in life threatening situations."

Immediately Reegan came to mind.

Two weeks ago we went to a wedding in Paynesville and we thought it would be fun to stay at a hotel with a pool.  I had packed all the girls swimming suits, swimmer diapers, and life jackets.  Somehow from the time I packed to when we arrived at the hotel, the life jackets magically disappeared.  While they make the swimming experience much more enjoyable, apparently Anya and Caitlin thought it would be more fun to put them on their stuffed animals and leave them in my bedroom.  But no problem, the pool area had a zero depth pool, a hot tub, and a regular pool.  Reegan could hang out in the kiddy pool while Alicia and I took turns swimming with Anya.  We really don't have to worry about Caitlin, she hates the water.  Don't get me wrong, she loves the idea of going swimming; she gets to put on her cute little suit and stare at herself in the mirror, but when it comes to actually getting wet, pass.

Our plan would have worked perfectly, but Reegan quickly  learned that her chances of death were too low in the kiddy pool.  She wanted the rush of jumping into a pool without the slightest concept of how to stay afloat.  She would walk down the stairs until she couldn't touch, and then take a few more steps just for the hell of it.  Seriously kid?  When you'd pick her up, she'd kick like a mule, insisting you release her.  I mean once I can understand; she doesn't understand the consequences of not being able to breath.  But after half a dozen times, you've got to think the kid has a deathwish! 

Thanks to my watchful eye and cat-like reflexes, we were able to return home with all three Roses.

Tip of the Day:  When washing your hands, it is unnessessary to use water.  Simply apply a large amount of liquid soap, scrub, and wipe your hands on the nearest towel. After visiting a porto-potty, Anya learned that using the hand sanitizer doesn't require water, so why should soap?  Not only do you save on your water bills, your hands and your towels smell like Pomegranate Berry for hours.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Happy 3rd Birthday Caitlin!

This past Tuesday marked the 3rd birthday of our beloved Caitlin Rose.  Can you believe it? Three!  It seems like just yesterday I was changing her diapers!  Oh wait, I did change her diaper yesterday. We've been trying to get her into big girl underwear, but she has yet to notice a difference.  In fact she kind of likes going potty in her underwear, it gives her the opportunity to wear several beautiful outfits a day instead of just one.

For her birthday, we went to several parks to take in the great weather and in the evening we grilled up some of Caitlin's favorite foods; hot dogs and corn on the cob.  We baked 24 cup cakes in the afternoon for her birthday cake, but only 12 managed to make it to the party.  I let the Rose's decorate their treats with frosting, but I must not have been clear with my instructions.  When I said "Let's decorate these cupcakes for Caitlins party tonight," they heard "Blah, blah, blah...We must glob on as much frosting as possible and eat as many cupcakes we can before dad takes them away." 

When it came time for opening presents, I was floored by how excited a kid can getting clothes for her birthday.  I have never met a kid who would rather have a sundress than a toy. It was like watching a miniature Paris Hilton; except she didn't have a Chihuahua named Tinkerbell or some sort of venereal disease. After opening a present and learning that it was a dress, she would put her hands on her cheeks and jump with excitement.  She pulled out each article of clothing and say something to the effect of "Oh my, this is beautiful!"  Yesterday she managed to try on all 5 dresses she recieved.  With her bleach blonde hair and bright blue eyes, she looked stunning in each of her ensembles.  One of her favorite girts was a set of jewelery.  For the past two days she hasn't taken off her tiara, her earings, or her necklace.  Not even for bed!

Caitlin is our little princess and we couldn't imagine a world without her innocence, her love, or her fashion.  We love you Cai Cai!

Tip of the Day: Toads make the best toys. They're mild mannered, hardy, and slow moving.  We've tried snakes, frogs, and grasshoppers, but a toad is the only critter that's calm enought not to bite the fingers of three unruly children, hardy enough to be squeezed in the hands of a 4 year old, and slow enough for a 20 month old to catch.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Wedding Season Has Begun

This past weekend marked the first of several weddings we've been invited to over the summer.  Alicia's cousin Josh and his bride Laell were married up in beautiful Payneville, MN.  It was a beautiful ceremony and it was great hanging out with Alicia's extended family.

 I love weddings, though over the past few years the wedding experience has changed dramatically.  Fresh out of college I LOVED weddings!  Getting together with friends and family was great, but the bar hopping and free beer was always my favorite part.  It was a carefree day of celebration.  Now that we have the girls, weddings have taken on a new twist.  The girls love getting all dolled up; it's like a mini prom at our house, without the hormones and parental fears of STDs.  It's so fun watching my girls giggle with excitement as the see the 'princess' walking down the aisle.  While the bar hopping is now out of the question, I've come to enjoy the simpler aspects of the reception.  Did you know they have dance floors at wedding receptions?  I vaguely remember the idea from weddings past, but I was often a few sheets to the wind before mustering up the courage to bust a move to such wedding classics as the Chicken Dance and the Hokey Pokey.  The Roses love dancing!  Anya kicks her legs aimlessly and without rhythm, similar in style to Elaine Benis from Sienfeld:

Caitlin bobs around the dance floor while lifting up her shirt (I'm really hoping she grows out of this one), and Reegan simply follows behind the bride whining to be carried.  While they each have thier own style, they are all adorable.

Weddings also remind me just how lucky I am to have my beautiful bride.  Alicia was looking as stunning this past weekend as she did at our wedding.  I'm still not sure how this 5 was able to land a 10, it's like Steve Buscemi landing Heidi Klum, it just doesn't happen!  (I know, Seal isn't exactly easy on the eyes, but the brother can sing.)

We had a great time celebrating Josh and Laell's new life together and were honored to be in attendance.

Tip of the Day:  While robin's eggs look like those malted milk candy eggs, they taste quite different.  Just ask Caitlin.  While at my parent's house, she found a nest on one of my dad's tractors.  After showing me, I explained that we don't want to touch the eggs.  I turned my back to talk to my dad and when I looked back at Caitlin she had egg yolk trickling down her face.  She looked like the cat that ate the canary.  Literally.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Happy Birthday to Me...Again!

A month after my birthday, my wife planned and successfully carried out a surprise 30th birthday party for me.  As many of my friends may have heard, I was pretty upset that my birthday came and went without any thoughtful gifts or expensive surprises.  I had fantasized that Alicia would give me a free weekend away from the house; a fishing, golfing, and biking getaway with a unlimited credit limit.  Instead I got a copy of Madden 11.  Where's the heart in that?  So Alicia is basically saying, 'Hey Bo, I know you did a lot to help around the house this year, but I only care about you a video game's-worth.' Last year I bought her diamond earrings.

Just after I had formed the opinion that her sense of creativity and gift-giving practicality had reached new levels, she pulled off a wicked sweet surprise party for me.  About 30 people gathered to celebrate.  It was a great mix of people from all my different groups of friends; my at-home dad friends, college friends, high school friends, volleyball friends, reffing friends, and family friends.  I was absolutely blown away!  People came from as far away as Madison, Grand Marias, Duluth, and Fairbaugh.  I felt just like George Bailey at the end of It's a Wonderful Life; but instead of receiving a basket full of cash, I was left with a $25 unpaid bar tab (I'm kicking your ass next time I see you Matt...).  It was a great reminder to me just how blessed I am.  I wish I could have spent more time with each of my friends, but it was a whirlwind of excitement for me, almost like a mini wedding (except it was hell of a lot cheaper and I didn't get too drunk to perform my husbandly duties afterwards).  I really have to hand it to my beautiful and wonderful wife who put everything together, it really meant a lot to me.  I love you hun!

In other news, the Rose's have been doing very well.  Caitlin is a major girlie phase right now.  Once the weather hit the 50s, KK decided that everyday from now on, is dress day.  While she only has a couple sundresses that fit her, it doesn't stop her from making it happen.  If she has to wear the same dress four days in a row, than so be it.  The good news is that it is the one thing you can hold over her head. 

"KK it's time to take a bath."
"We can wear your dress pajamas tonight."
Sold. She gets undressed faster than an old man with a bee in his trousers.

Today while we were in the car a fly flew in the window.  Anya shouted, "Watch out, it's a fly, or a bee, or a mosquito!"
"Or a pirate!" added Caitlin from the back seat.
Anya with look of matter of factness responded, "Caitlin, it wasn't a pirate.  Pirates don't live in the city."  She then turned to me with a sly smile with a look on her face like, 'Can you believe Caitlin...Everybody knows pirates can't fly in your car in the city, that crazy shit only happens in the country!'

Tip of the Day -  Always dress to impress.  You never know when someone you love is going to throw you a surprise birthday party or host an intervention.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Memorable Quotes from April

After opening the garage on April 10th to find 4 inches of snow on the driveway, Anya says, "What the hell is all of this?!?!"

While playing at the playground at Old McDonalds, Caitlin shouts to a random girl at the top of the slide, "Will you be my best friend?"  The girl responds, "Only if you come up here." 

Employee from the Three Bears Lodge at 6:00am, "Is this your daughter?"  Yes, our little Caitlin snuck out of the room before Alicia or I woke up and decided to cruise the hallways.  We had the door deadbolted and the metal hinge lock in place, but neither kept little KK in the room.  The craziest thing is that she was sleeping in bed with me and I didn't hear a thing!

Reegan: "I want a sip of papa's pop."

Isaac: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH, WWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH, WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"  This week I'm watching my 10 week old nephew and I think the little guy is allergic to estrogen.  He was in pretty good spirits yesterday, but I think all the females in the house have finally gotten to him.

Anya:  "Daddy, I think I have a little guy in my head.  He's always talking and telling me where to go."

Anya while talking on the phone with my mom: "Daddy was cleaning a lot today!  He didn't even take a nap!!!"

Caitlin: "I'm a little princess!"  For the past three weeks Caitlin has refused to wear anything other than tight pants or a sundress; two years old and she's already dressing like a Benny heading to Sal's in the springtime.  But she's actually skinny.

Tip of the Day:  When going to the Three Bears Lodge, wait at least 15 minutes after the waterpark opens to go swimming.  In the middle of their water playground, they have a huge, 200 gallon picnic basket that fills with water and dumps it slowly on the children below.  Usually it only fills 1/3 of the way full, but for the first dump of the day she unloads all 200 gallons of glory.  The water literally pummelled Reegan, tossing her about 7 feet onto the parks sidewalk before Alicia was able to grab her.  From then on, every form of flowing water caused Reegan to point and say 'Owie!'