The chronicles and ramblings of a stay-at-home father raising his three beautiful girls, Anya Rose, Caitlin Rose and Reegan Rose.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Running Wild

Have you ever gone out for a night of drinking only to wake up in the morning with your liver sitting on your couch smoking a cigarette, pissed as hell at what you put him through?  That same morning I'm sure you vowed never to touch another drop of alcohol, only to whack down a pair of bloody marys for brunch.  In my former life I used to enjoy punishing my body in such ways, however I found a new form of torture that is far more upsetting to my body; marathoning.  Last year after the Twin Cities Marathon, I had decided it was time to hang up the sneakers for a while.  What more did I have to prove?  I completed three marathons at the blazing speed of 5 hours.  What need did I have to do a fourth?  But like those bloody marys, I just couldn't say no to one more...

A few weeks ago I signed up to do the Twin Cities Marathon again.  I started training and this past weekend I had to run 6 miles after church and Mom had the bright idea that I bring Anya with me.  Ever since, Anya is convinced that she is going to be running the marathon with me.  No, not in the stroller, she wants to jog with her old man.  In an effort to break her spirit, I told her she could run with me when we went to the gym.  I dropped off Reegan and Caitlin in the child care center and took Anya with me to the indoor track upstairs.  I figured I'd run a couple hundred meters with her and she'd understand how tiring and boring running can be.  My plan backfired.  She ended up running a mile and a half and loved every minute of it.  It's interesting running with someone who doesn't have an inner monologue:

"Dad, why is that lady running so slow?"
"Dad, did you see how sweaty that guy is?"
"Dad, we just ran past that guy two minutes ago!"

I must say it made my run much more interesting.  I wish I could get away with such open commentary about the people at the gym without getting my ass kicked.

Caitlin's collar bone seems to be healing just fine.  It doesn't seem to bother her in the least.  Now she's back to whining about the regular things in life; Anya stealing her toys, Reegan running her over, and never having enough headbands to wear.

Reegan is talking a lot more these days.  One of her favorite lines is "I'm Okay!"  You know when you're riding your bike and a car pulls out in front of you and you hit him going 10 miles an hour.  Your crotch lands squarely on the handle bars, but you can't lie on the ground like a pussy.  You have to hop up, wave like your fine, and ride a block away before you tend to your bruised and swollen testicles.  Somehow Reegan has learned from Papa's reaction to painful injuries.  She was running full speed to greet Nana earlier this week.  She outran her feet and face planted herself in the grass.  Her feet were literally above her head as her face slid through the grass and dirt.  Before even lifting her head, she screams "I'm Okay!" and stands up like nothing happened.  Papa would have been proud.

Tip of the Day:  While it may seem like a good idea to let your children play with 10 lbs of bread flower in the yard, getting that shit out of their hair requires a good hour of heavy scrubbing.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Just another week...

My goal for this year was to write one blog a week. Like so many of my previous resolutions and sexual performances, it ended prematurely.  Don't worry everybody; I'll make it up to you, probably.

It was actually a very eventful week around the Schmidt house last week.  I'm not sure if I wrote about it or not, but a month and a half ago, Alicia got into a car accident.  Nobody was hurt but it caused $6,500 worth of damage to her Honda Civic.  Thank goodness for insurance or we'd probably have to sell off one of the Roses for scientific experimentation.  After two weeks of haggling with insurance agents and body shops, Alicia finally had the car fixed up and in ship-shape.  On Tuesday Alicia was on her way home from work and was taking a right onto highway 55.  Being the conscientious driver that she is, she yielded to the oncoming traffic ahead of her.  Unfortunately the pickup truck behind her did not.  Again nobody was hurt, but now we get to deal with the whole process again.  Alicia had no fault in this one and it won't cost us anything out of pocket, but it's still a pain in the butt.

On Friday I was playing pirates with Anya and Caitlin while Reegan took her nap.  We were on the bed in the basement and Anya was lobbing grenades (beach balls) at us and Caitlin, in an attempt to protect me from enemy fire, tried to kick it before it landed.  While I did not see exactly what happened, my guess it that Anya must have put some wicked spin on the ball, as Caitlin whiffed on kicking the ball and ended up falling off the bed.  She screamed and writhed on the floor for several minutes, neither of which is unusual for my little KK bird, but when she refused to move her right arm, I realized this injury might actually be legitimate.  I held her for a few minutes until she started to calm down.  I asked her where it hurt and she pointed to her shoulder.  With my extensive medical background, I quickly diagnosed her with a dislocated shoulder and sprang into action.  I asked her to sit tight while I put it back in its place.  I jerked her arm above her head, and when she let out a gut wrenching wail, it occurred to me that it might have been slightly off the mark.  I called my neighbor and asked her to watch the other girls while I took Caitlin to Urgent Care.  Three hours and $500 later, Caitlin was professionally diagnosed with a broken collar bone.  There's not a whole lot they could do for her, but they said it should heal relatively quickly.  She was in rough shape on Friday and Saturday, but she seems much better today. 

Sunday afternoon Alicia headed out to Las Vegas for a 4 day business trip.  She's attending a conference at the Mirage and we drove her to the airport.  We said our goodbyes and I started driving off when Anya shouted "STOP!  Daddy, we forgot to tell Mommy to wave at us from the airplane!" Anya made me park the car to go tell mom.  As we drove away Anya said "Dad, roll down all the windows so Mom can spot us."  How does that not melt your heart?

I've shared the stories about Anya and Caitlin, it would seem unfair to not give some news about Reegs.  Unlike my other girls who have one specific blanky, Reegan requires a whole collection of blankies to find true peace and solace.  She requires no less than three blankets in her crib for her to go to sleep.  But it doesn't matter which blankets they are; she requires no emotional attachment to them, as long as she can sleep with them. Hopefully, for my sake, she takes on a different philosophy when it comes to men.

Tip of the Day - If you're invited to a surprise birthday party, make sure you double check your email messages as to the exact location of the party.  You feel like a real d-bag when you show up at the person's house and blow the whole thing.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

A Child-free Weekend

For my birthday my parents offered to give Alicia and I a kid-free weekend.  Being the thrifty, clever person that I am, I selected Memorial Weekend to cash it in; 50% more bang for your buck.  My folks picked up the girls early on Friday afternoon and we agreed to meet them for supper on Monday afternoon.  Three whole days without the Roses.  Priceless.

Even without me there, Caitlin was making blog-worthy stories. Saturday morning my mom sent me this story and it had Alicia and I rolling:

"I had to tell you a funny KK story that happenned last night. We went to dinner last night to Meisters. The owner (35 year old male) came over and said, "My you are so cute!" and Papa replied, "thank you!" to which the owner said, "Not you! I meant the girls!" KK didn't appear to be paying attention, but then stands up in the booth so that she is eye to eye with Papa states with an attitude, "I think you are cute TOO PAPA!!! And then gave the evil eye scowl at the owner."

That's our KK!

A few weeks ago my friend Ira burned a CD for me.  He generally has very good taste in music, usually of the obscure rock and roll genre, but this time he gave me a copy of Ke$ha's latest album.  While I'm not into girlly, pop music, I must say it is rather catchy. I happened to be listening to her music in the car one day and the girls absolutely loved it.  Now Ke$ha is not your typical teenage girl pop star, she prides herself on being a drunken party slut; perfectly appropriate for three children under the age of 4.  Anya's favorite song is called "Take it off" which recants Ke$ha's fond memories of an all night rave. This is what it sounded like the first time the girls heard it:

'There's a place downtown, Where the freaks all come around. It's a hole in the wall. It's a dirty free for all.
And they turn me on.  When they Take It Off. When they Take It Off. Everybody Take It Off. There's a place I know  If you're looking for a show.  Where they go hardcore And there's glitter on the floor.'

Anya: Why is there glitter on the floor? 

'And they turn me on.  When they Take It Off.'

Anya: I wonder who spilled all the glitter?

'When they Take It Off. Everybody Take It Off.'

Anya: I bet she's singing this song so that people pick up all the glitter.

As much as I enjoy watching the girls dance to the Ke$ha's music, I thinks it's time Swiper swipes their favorite disc before they start 'brushing their teeth with a bottle of Jack.'  I can't imagine what my reaction will be if I find my girls listening to something like this when they're teenagers.  God help me.

Alicia and I had a wonderful weekend.  We went to Wausau, Wisconsin for a wedding on Saturday, went shopping on Sunday, and cleaned the house on Monday morning.  To my single readers this may seem like a pretty lame ass vacation, but I know that those of you who have kids would give your left nut for such a wild and crazy weekend. 
While it was great to have the house to ourselves, it isn't really home without the Roses running around destroying things.  It's great to have them back.
Tip of the Day: Unless you plan on having them consumed, do not include live goldfish in the centerpieces of your reception tables.  Even sober I thought it was a good idea to play 'shoot the minnow' with our party favor.